Peanut Gringo

It’s a beautiful August Summer day. I have 2 friends coming to visit today and I am feeling good. Beanni actually used the pee pad. I don’t think it gets much better than this.

Understanding. Comprehension. Apathy. They seem to rule my life and fight with it. My girls came over yesterday, Bep weeding & Tandi getting my groceries. Bep doing my meds. Tandi gathering the bills. And lunch at Relli’s. A good, but long day.

I ache to see my children. Not just for the reason most moms would give, but because I am so afraid of the next phase, where I begin to be apathetic to them, then not know them any more. I don’t want to say that to them, but it niggles in my brain and heart.

I missed Christmas with my family in 2012. Those who know me, know Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I listen to Christmas carols even now. And it is, without a doubt, a high priority family time. From the time I was a baby thru now, my family – parents, then my own, and now the grands – Christmas was a time of laughter, of remembrance, of senses, of all Goode Things.

Last year, I became physically & mentally sick. It lasted for weeks. I could hardly lift my head off the pillow. I had no sensation that it was Advent, Christmas soon to come. I had no feelings, no emotion. Nothing. I had flat-lined. And I knew I was tasting a bitter appetizer of the banquet life had spread before me.

And so, I missed Christmas. I kept to my bed and once I told my family I couldn’t be there, it was out of my head and heart. Fini.

I wish Christmas could be today. I am alive, I feel things. I am sentimental, I easily bruise mentally. I weep, I laugh.

And the Peanut Gringo? My friend is bringing my favourite wine today to celebrate months of us being apart. Ahhh. Pinot Grigio.

Papa? Are you there? It’s me, Vicki

pinot grigio grapes

Permanent link to this article: https://soncountry.net/voice/2013/08/peanut-gringo/

7 comments

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    • sue schnipke on August 9, 2013 at 9:36 am
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    I will remember you always my friend. days at St Therese playing army in the parking lot, playing like we had KP peeling potatoes and talking of our love for our families. You are a saint in my book Vicki, now and forever. Love Sue

    1. Aw, them were the days, my friend!! Why are we not visiting one another? We must check into meeting one day, before we ‘check out’. Love you, too. V

    • sue schnipke on August 9, 2013 at 12:18 pm
    • Reply

    i would love that, just have one of the girls let me know when you are up to it. I would love to see you.

    1. Goodness, you can just ask ME!! Hmmm how do I give you my phone number without giving it to the world??

    • pat duclos on August 9, 2013 at 1:39 pm
    • Reply

    Hi Vickie, Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. pd

    1. OMG Pat!!! I had no idea you were following my journey… I am so touched. Thank you so very much!!

    • Sue on August 12, 2013 at 5:02 pm
    • Reply

    Send me a message on Facebook it is private. Go to my page click on message

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